Monday, June 6, 2011

Oops, Sis Did It Again

18 months ago Max and my sister had the most precious baby I've ever seen... then yesterday they had the most precious baby I've ever seen again! So weird.

It is my greatest pleasure to introduce you to my beautiful new niece, Miss Avery Brooke :)

She was aptly born to flight officers at 7:47pm on their wedding anniversary
June 5, 2011
7lbs 3oz
20in long

and after she got her hair did :)

The day started like any other day that starts with your phone ringing at 4:30 in the morning.... I startled awake and practically fell out of bed trying to answer it with a frantic, "are you okay?!?" The only other time I woke up so quickly was when a huge, drunk football player thought it'd be a good idea to surprise me while I was asleep in my dorm room. By laying on me. Ever wake up thinking you're being raped? Didn't think so. It's not fun. So my ever so calm and reserved sister (of whom I'm not sure how I'm related for that very reason) says quietly and peacefully, "Yes, everything is fine. I need you to come home now, my water broke."

I was out the door like Jackie Joyner-Kersee on steroids, my hair probably looking a lot like her dreads at this point too, and since OKC decided to have overnight highway construction on The Most Inconvenient Day ever, thoughts about having a baby on the kitchen floor were dancing through my head... but I was home in no time and there was apparently no need to rush. Brooke was quietly doing what she does best: organizing life in no hurry whatsoever. And it's a good thing too, because she was back at the house by 7am ??? The doc said her water didn't break, but that "she peed herself".

For the record, I'm only comfortable telling this part of the story because 12 hours later we were obviously snuggling a baby, not a 7lb turd. I'm gonna need that doctor's credentials asap.

Anyhoo. We headed back to the hospital when "she peed herself" again and she was admitted (doctor dipshit was obviously not on-call at that point). But the home stretch didn't start off too well when the nurse misplaced her IV and her arm blew up like the elephant man. I just seriously don't have the stomach for stuff like that, people. I almost passed out and we had only been there 15 minutes. But IVs were replaced and my sense of calm was soon restored.

Now Mom tells the best story of Brooke's virtually silent natural labor with Vincent and I was so curious to see if she was over exaggerating like the drama queen she (I) is (am). So at about 6pm, as if I was transported through time to his birth in 2009, Brooke would start to tell a story and just kind of stop in the middle of a sentence, close her eyes, gently relax her arms and breathe normally through a 20 minute contraction. Okay, maybe not that long, but the little Richter Scale of contractions scared me! Most of them were like 5.0s at this point and getting close together, but Brooke was like a silent pregnant Buddha in an annoyingly patterned hospital gown.

It wasn't until 7pm that our little Richter Scale didn't matter anymore because sister was on her side, couldn't move petrified from pain, getting no breaks between contractions AND she broke 4 of my fingers from squeezing my hand. It was around then I decided I would never have a child. She still wasn't making noises because she's pretty much the strongest person I know, but she didn't have to say anything, her wrinkled brow of pain and the fact that I didn't see her eyeballs for an entire hour said enough. She actually ordered an epidural to stop the madness, but the elusive anestesiaologist "Jim" was playing the slots at the casino or something because it never got there....

Brooke went from 6cm to fully dilated and begging to push in 30 minutes. A swarm of nurses and doctors trying to hide their frenzy frantically set up for Avery's arrival. Like earth, wind and fire, Mom grabbed Brooke's right shoulder, Aly migrated to her left shoulder, and I posted up on her left leg. With our Anderson Women powers combined we just stood there and cried for the fifth element to get her shoulders the hell outta Brooke. Funny thing is, when they turned on those birthing flood lights, it was exactly like the final scene in that movie. Except sadly, half naked Bruce Willis wasn't there.

The doctor told her to push at her next contraction and we all waited, hearts pounding from excitement.... and like an amazing magician, the doctor pulled a beautiful baby girl out of Brooke's. hat. The love just poured out of us and for a hot second I forgot about all the pain my sister was in, because my baby niece was laying there being wiped and poked and prodded and of course, adored. THEN the doctor turned to us and her mouth was moving, but I couldn't hear any words.

That's a lie. She was asking who wanted to cut the cord since Max was somewhere between Spain and Africa bringing home the bacon. But seeing as I almost lost my lunch with Brooke's little IV situation earlier, I opted out of the generous offer by pretty much sprinting to the door screaming. Good thing Alyssa isn't squeamish (she donates plasma). She hopped on it like white on rice.

And that was it, folks. The baby girl we've been waiting on for what seems like forever is now in our arms. Brooke brought her home in a "Daddy Loves Me" onesie, perfectly suited for her since I know Max is beaming with pride wherever he is, and Vincent had a Welcome Home sign and some sweet kisses waiting for her! I actually wouldn't be surprised if he made the sign himself - the kid has the vocabulary of most men I've dated.

Welcome to the world, Avery Brooke! We love you dearly and will soon overstimulate you with squeezes and Raffi music. Here's a prelude to the madness:

all I really need is a song in my heart
food in my bel-ly
and looove in my fam-ily

check, check and check :)


Judy Shockley said...

Thank you for sharing this beautiful story. I'm so glad that you had this opportunity to witness the miracle of is truly amazing! I also enjoyed the laughs you gave me this morning. I kow you are a proud Aunt Ashley!
Take care!

Smartash said...

Thanks, Judy! Hope all is well with your new blessing too :)

Janelle said...

How much I love being able to get a dose of my ash on the www. You make my heart happy. Love you dearly.

Me Too said...

You totally have to write Peanut's birth story. Because only you could make childbirth funny.

Congrats to your sis. Avery is beautiful!!!